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24 Worst Things to Say During a Meeting

Ever sat through a meeting so dull you actually wanted to throw yourself out of the 4th storey window to end the tedium? Fantasied pumping nitrous oxide into the air conditioning just for giggles? Well there are a few things you can say to relieve the boredom. Or end your career. You decide.

Ok, before we take a vote, here’s are our 24 worst things to say during a meeting.

My wife’s ovulating at the moment so if I get a text I’m gonna have to go.

I’m so drunk I should be voting on anything right now.

But Frank in accounts is a poopoo head!

Well I can be on time or I can be sober. You can’t have both!

I’d like to propose Onesie Mondays...

WTF Wednesdays?

Ok, Fuck You Fridays. That’s my final offer!


Ok, you used a lot of really big words there and I only understood a couple of them.

Michelle in HR... you would right?

How about a Monday morning happy hour? I always keep some vodka in my desk for emergencies.

That photo on your desk is actually your son? I figured you were at the zoo!

It’s fun boss day! Tomorrow I might fire one of you so let’s just focus on the good stuff for now.

So this isn’t the Christmas Party Sabotage Group? Well this is awkward...


Well we can sit here and argue or we can go outside and play naked Twister. Who’s with me?


Don’t ask me! I only turned up because I thought there’d be cake.

BORED!!! Is it nap time yet?

And we could follow that up with Boozy Tuesdays.

Thirsty Thursday?

Boom, boom, boom, let me hear you say wayho!

I took all the interns out for shots last night, most of them probably won’t be coming in this morning.

Yeah I’m pretty sure we lost that new contract. I had a formulating/fornicating typo. Kind of funny story…

Is it ok if I start working from home? I actually don’t think I can sit through another one of these meetings!

Well there’s going to be a few people laid off but I just want to reassure you all that MY job is safe. So yay me!

Let’s just see a quick show of hands, who else thinks Barry Manilow is hugely misunderstood musical genius?

Have you said or done worse? Are there any moments in your professional history that you’d rather forget? If so then we’d love to hear them. Come on, sharing is caring, it’s good to talk so confess your worst things to say during a meeting so we can all laugh and cringe with you.

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