7 Deadly Best Man Speech Sins
Writing a killer best man's speech is no easy feat. It's a fine line between roasting the groom and producing comedy gold and being carried from the wedding party by the bride's angry brothers while her mother looks on and having to spend the rest of the evening in the car park wishing you'd at least had time to pick up your drink.
We're lucky to have our own team of comedy writers to create the jokes in our Best Man Speech Writing System but for those about to take the speech writing plunge here’s a few pointers to ensure the groom is still talking to you when he gets back from the honeymoon.
1. Thou shalt not mention the bachelor party.
What happens on tour, stays on tour.
Best not to mention how the groom came back with that bruise/tattoo/rash.
2. Thou shalt not swear.
It's not f***ing and its not f***ing clever.
Remember, the wedding guests will be a very mixed crowd made up of young family members, uncles, aunts and grandparents. What might make the guys laugh down the pub or locker room will not go down well in your best man's speech.
3. Thou shalt not mention divorce.
We recently received an email from a guy asking whether a divorce joke would be funny in his best man's speech... Of course not! You might as well say "Hey, 50% these things don't work out but maybe you guys will get luck?"
4. Thou shalt not mention the groom’s ex-girlfriends.
These skeletons (or larger bodies) should stay firmly in the closet.
This is undoubtedly the quickest way to piss off the bride, her family, her friends, her friends' friends, the vicar and anyone else with a sense of decency. Let those sleeping dogs lie... if you'll pardon the phrase.
5.Thou shalt filter thy stories.
What would he want people to know about him?
There will be many of the bride's family the groom might not have met before and he's picked you as his best man to help make a good impression. Telling his new in-laws about how he got busted selling dope in Mexico during his college gap year is not a good idea.
If you need jokes to roast the groom we have over 4,000 jokes, quotes and more in our wedding speech builder system. Learn more..
6. Thou shalt not use the phrase;
"Back in the day when the bride was still a looker..."
If we have to explain this one then you're clearly the wrong man for the job.
7. Thou shalt not get drunk before thy speech.
Stay sober soldier.
Dutch courage is ok, in moderation. But too much and your speech could end up on "Epic Fails Revealed" and looped on cable TV. Forever!
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