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Evolution of Man – A Woman's View

So the barbecue’s over, you’ve lost two thirds of your facial hair, next door’s dog is looking decidedly ill and your charred offerings were a reminder to watch the grill and not the beer levels. Oh, and your other half quite possibly isn’t talking to you, but then how were you to know that adding fuel to fire, or in this case more gasoline (fire wasn’t big enough obviously) would produce the fireball that took out next door’s prized Hydrangea. And the washing you forgot to bring in before you started. In fact, she’s probably brooding at this particular moment as to how (or more likely ‘if’) men have really managed to evolve from the cave dwellers of history at all.

So, have they?

Neanderthals, as hunter-gatherers, were arguably skilled at their art, and intelligent enough to fashion spears so they could claim their prey with a single lunge and not get injured in the process, ensuring a relative feast for the evening meal. Walking back to the cave with a "Honey I'm home" and throwing the carcass of a 300lb beast on the floor would undoubtedly have earned them a few brownie points. Being fully capable of protecting their group from such ferocious predators was also essential, and a challenge met with vigour. Cavemen followed their herding animals, stalking prey with speed and agility. Modern man seems partial to standing at the water's edge with a stick in hand waiting for the prey to come to him. Walking through the front door with a pizza and a tentative "Honey? The Salmon you wanted...?" is likely to earn him a single sigh, shake of the head and 'you're dripping on the carpet' glare. And he’d better not have added pineapple again. Protection from beasts? Ask him to remove a spider from the bathtub and the shrieks can be heard streets away.

But surely with the technological advances of today modern man can outdo his predecessors when it comes to creating a home fit for his queen? Or a shed fit for his tools. Or his beer. Cavemen had flint, wood and stone. Today yields power tools. Lots of sharp edges and rotating blades with an abundance of power behind them (electricity, not the man, sorry guys) yet with only primitive materials and no step-by-step tips to ignore "Cave drawings? Nah, don't need 'em." historic man seemed pretty proficient at creating a range of dwellings. You should see his lean-to, new bones stripped bare. Gets all the girls. Now granted the man of today attacks such projects with probably the same gusto and blatant disregard for following instructions (WHY?!). But I'm sure caveman builder wouldn't have had any spare rocks left over or have needed six friends, three weekends and copious amounts of bravado-inducing beverages to complete the job. And with a lack of emergency vehicles to boot I'm sure missing fingers (or teeny tiny scratches) would have resulted in an 'oh well' and that would have been the end of it. Mrs Caveman would not have needed to hear about the pain for weeks on end.

And so we end with perhaps two of the most distinctive traits of the caveman. Clubbing and grunting.

Ain't evolution grand?

Written by "The Reluctant Bridesmaid".

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