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"That's What She Said!"

What She Says vs What She Means

Of course you know you're never going to truly understand your significant other and any rules of conversation you might have come to understand using simple things like the very basis of the English language and all its foundations don't necessarily apply in "Woman Speak".

But to try and guide you through the minefield of relationship conversation here are a few basic phrases any man should be wary of. Although of course even these rules will change tomorrow.

So good luck to fellow me everywhere or in short... We're all doomed!

Does my ass look big in this?
- Tell me I look skinny or I'll kill you in your sleep!

It's not you it's me.
- It is you, you're a dick.

I think we should see other people.
- I've slept with your brother.

- No

Yes of course.
- No

- No

- This is so far away from fine but I'm going to stew on this for days.

Rachel has bought a new car/bag/cooker/other.
- I want a new car/bag/cooker/other.

You're not going to wear that are you?
- You're NOT going to wear that.

I think we need to talk.
- You need to listen while I talk. A lot.

Oh just forget it!
- You can try but I'll be bringing this up for months!

No, of course I like Emily.
- I hate Emily, she's your friend and I have a completely irrational mistrust of her.

Oh just do what you want.
- We both know you'll have to do what I'm saying eventually.

You're more like a brother to me.
- I want to borrow money from you but I'm never going to sleep with you.

I think we should eat more healthily.
- You've put on weight Porky.

Do you want to go to the _____ at the weekend?
- We're going to the ______ at the weekend.

You've had enough to drink.
- You're acting like a dick.

- Everything!

I just need to get changed, I'll be ready in 5 minutes.
- You've probably just got time to watch the entire first two seasons of Game of Thrones.

Nothing's wrong!
- You've probably just got time to watch the entire first two seasons of Game of Thrones.

You don't need to go spending money on my birthday.
- I have a mental list of things I want, if you can't guess them all it's yet more proof that you don't really love me.

Oh not for me, I'm stuffed.
- I'm going to keep saying how full I am while I sit here and eat half your dessert.

Women are from Venus men are from Mars.
- The sisterhood have talked it over and we've decided you're all dicks!

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